Don't you send me to vm
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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