Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
