You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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