Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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