Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
