Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
