I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone