I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...