And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
