i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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