We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
