I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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