i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
