I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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