NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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