Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
