you guys were way drunker than both of me
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
