I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
