so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
