We won't sleep together?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
