then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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