If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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