He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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