I think i peed on brittanys purse
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
