I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have aggressive nipples.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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