i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
