Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
