i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
