you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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