not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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