My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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