she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
