i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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