Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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