hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
