if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
