So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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