your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Acid is not a monday night drug
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize