That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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