Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
