My hand turned me down
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
