"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
