Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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