I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
