have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm really busy with my period
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