I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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