I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I forget how to act sober
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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