yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
