his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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