i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
