Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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