She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
