Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
