i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
