woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
