i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize