There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
