Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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