yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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