Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
