i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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