You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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