do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
