Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
