There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
