I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize