had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
4 words: hood of his car
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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