I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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