You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
