I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this boner is exhausting
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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